Scott Barry Kaufman

To orient ourselves in the direction of growth, we must ultimately accept what has been and turn toward the future. Not by ignoring our past but by processing it in a meaningful fashion and using it as the seeds to become the person we wish to become, sometimes even changing our own trauma narrative.

Maslow never actually created a pyramid to represent his hierarchy of needs.

So what is a healthy self-esteem? Modern research has identified two distinct faces of healthy self-esteem: self-worth and mastery.

The good life is not something you will ever achieve. It’s a way of living. As Carl Rogers noted, ‘The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination.

Goals that are conducive to growth—mastery, self-improvement, creativity, connection, contribution to society—are likely to lead to greater well-being than goals concerned with status and driven by insecurity—attaining power, money, self-esteem, appearance, or popularity.

We’ve got to stop operating with this idea that life is not supposed to be hard, and if it is hard, something is wrong.

As Carl Rogers notes, ‘The curious paradox is that when I accept myself as I am, then I can change.’

Interestingly, research shows that people with more emotional granularity—who can differentiate specifically what they’re feeling and label their experiences with more precise language—tend to be less reactive to negative circumstances and have greater psychological resilience.

But here’s a little secret that can change your life forever (as it did mine): You can feel something negative—you can feel demotivated or defeated or depressed—and still act in the service of your long-term goals. You don’t have to let your emotions govern your actions.

The creative person is constantly seeking to discover himself, to remodel his own identity, and to find meaning in the universe through what he creates.

The creative person is constantly seeking to discover himself, to remodel his own identity, and to find meaning in the universe through what he creates.